Carefully begin by folding the bracket along its width, proceed following standard paper airplane instructions and launch it from a rooftop. This is where your bracket belongs.
Failing that, repeat step one above before vigorously (and with at least a measure of unfettered aggression) wadding it up and taking aim at the kitchen waste basket from a distance of roughly 20 feet.
In the event you misfire, opt for a dunk. This is where your bracket belongs.
I've seen my share of Mountain West men's basketball through the years, but not like this, not where the so-called "bottom-half" of the league lies in wait for the heavies like some rec-league ringer sporting polka-dot Vans and a pair of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar signature goggles.
If this is going to be the drill for the MW Championships, I'd wedge myself into a line at your nearest ticket office post haste, particularly those preferring their March Madness with a ladle of lunacy.
In the last week, the Goliaths have gone down faster than the Davids can fill their pockets with rocks, tumbling from their perches like bloated birds. I was convinced I'd seen it all when TCU rallied from 18 points down with less than 15 minutes left to beat then-No. 11 UNLV, but clearly I'd developed a limited sense of imagination.
This misgiving was all but confirmed four days later when Air Force, fresh off the heels of rallying from a 14-point deficit at Wyoming, promptly pocketed its second win in history against a ranked opponent with a 58-56 victory over then-No. 13 San Diego State.
Surely, sanity still existed somewhere. Ah, New Mexico. Seven straight league wins, margins of victory resembling games pairing the Lakers and Floyd's Barber College, Drew Gordon getting to the rim and rebounding anything not anchored to the floor. Certainly the Lobos would help ease my oars back into the water.
And then along comes Colorado State. Now, I would write the biography of Rams coach Tim Miles for free, but the way No. 18 New Mexico was conducting business, I feared that this particular chapter might necessitate utilizing such words as "wolves" (Lobos), "sheep" (Rams) and "slaughter" (slaughter).
Colorado State won, of course, which anyone with a basketball IQ of a ball rack could have foreseen.
Me? I've stopped trying to make sense of it all. I have trouble enough with paper airplanes.
Tickets for the 2012 Conoco Mountain West Basketball championships at the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas can be purchased by calling the UNLV Ticket Office at 702-739-3267 or logging on to UNLVTickets.com. A limited number of all-session tickets remain. Single-session and single-game tickets will go on sale Thursday, March 1. Don't miss out - get yours today!